When Constant Changes Rule The Day

The Sunday Age

Sunday May 4, 2008

Rebecca James

EVERY now and then, I wake in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat, mortified that the AFL rules committee has run out of changes to make. However, just when I think all hope is lost, committee spokesman Kevin Bartlett, in his exuberant manner that belies his years, will announce that to prevent flooding, players can handball only with their elbows.

As I ponder another necessary rule change and the melancholy sets in, I sit in the sort of rocking chair K.B. would have on his back veranda and think about what could be next. Traffic lights at the interchange? Perhaps replacing the centre bounce, a guy in a crane or hot air balloon could drop the ball, therefore eliminating that wretched one in every seven millionth uneven trajectory.

And I can't wait until the committee gets its hands on drawn matches. I can just see it announcing that a game of rock paper scissors will be played to decide the result. What a wonderful spectacle, not to mention ratings bonanza, that would be.

Sure, some people believe the AFL rules committee has as much credibility as a Chinese Olympic torch relay. But I love the fact that after 150 years of our game, it will suddenly, and seemingly without reason, alter a law such as the hands-in-the-back rule and then pay no attention to the overwhelming criticism of the public.

And who cares if some rules have been so tampered with that umpires are struggling with the current interpretations? The rules committee has to justify itself and if that means Stephen Hawking is the only person who understands the AFL rule book, I know that those in charge have done their job and I will sleep well tonight.

Rebecca James is a 30-year-old Essendon supporter who teaches at Caulfield Grammar.

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